The Hard Truth

Tenjinsai moved like lightning through the Seireitei; appearing to many simply as a strong breeze. His swift footsteps took him to the gates of the Thirteenth Division, his fathers squad, as well as his brothers. Standing before the large gates he hesitated, his hand resting upon them; Even trembling slightly. His thoughts made him uneasy, having to deliver such news, especially when he had been the one to give the order. Though he had his father had a rocky past, one that had barely been mended as of recent, he still looked upon him as a son to a father. While Tenkai may not show it, he knew that telling him what had happened would stab deep into his father's soul. His heart had been wounded over a century ago and still the wound was not healed. The young Captain sighed lightly as he steadied his hand and pushed forward, the large gates before him giving way to his entrance.

As he entered the compound various shinigami took notice; Many quickly gave attention, greeting him and bowing, then returning to their duties. There was one shinigami in particular that he saw that he truly wished he had not. His eyes had rested on her, and hers on his own, a smile reaching out from her as she approached. "Tenjinsai, or I suppose Captain Commander Bushinji would be more fitting now! I was just leaving after visiting father, what are you doing here?" Tenjinsai swallowed harshly, his demeanor shifting to uncomfortable and anxious almost instantly. He found it hard to lock eyes with his sister as she spoke to him, shame forming deep inside. "I came to speak with father about a report, something that needs his attention." The elder Bushinji walked beside Tenjinsai and locked hold of his arms, now standing beside him. "I just saw father, but how about we go deliver this report together. It's been so long since we have all been together, even though brother isn't here."

A hitch caught in Tenjinsai's throat when Amaya said brother, his vocal chords not working for a few moments before he cleared his throat loudly. His right arm moved gently and rested on his sisters hand, grasping it at first and slowly sliding it off. "I am sorry Amaya but, this is something I must deliver to father privately. Perhaps we can all meet at the manor soon and have a....family meal, or something of the sort...." The female Bushinji looked dejected for only a moment before the smile perked up once more. "You guys and your responsibilities, for Captain's eyes only or whatever. I'm holding you to that dinner though, I'll be stopping by soon if you don't show up at the manor this week!" Then, with a quick hug, his elder sister had left, leaving Tenjinsai standing alone in the courtyard of the barracks. His hands were clenched tightly, enough so that small rivulets of blood formed around his nails and streamed downward toward the ground.

He inhaled heavily, holding his breath for a moment and then exhaled loudly soon after. Moments passed as he stood in silence, his eyes closed as he tried to find his focus once more. As seconds turned into minutes, he realized he had been standing in place for nearly fifteen minutes, blankly funneling his emotions back down into the depths of his soul. Many had noticed the strange behavior but no one dared to question their leader, only observing for a moment and then moving along with their duties. His resolve had been found once more though, and with it he moved deeper into the compound. His body moved like clockwork, each step and turn taking him to the Captain's office as quickly as possible. He now stood there, before the door to his fathers office; His hand was outstretched and hovering only an inch from the wooden panel.

He swallowed harshly and then let his knuckles fall upon the door, a light rapping to announce his presence. From beyond the door a single word echoed out only moments later. "Enter." Tenjinsai's hand moved quickly and then paused around the door handle, hesitating to open it. His hand shook lightly, occasionally striking the brass handle with a lightly tapping resonating through the hall. After a few moments another word called from beyond the door, the same as before but more pronounced. "Enter." Exhaling loudly, Tenjinsai gripped the handle of the door and slung it open quickly, stepping into the office. He paused for a moment as he now stood in the room, his eyes settled upon his father and then quickly looked away. Just as with his sister, he could not find himself to look the man in the eyes. He turned slowly, his right hand still holding the door handle, and gently closed it behind him.

He stood, facing the door panel for what seemed like ages, though in reality only seconds had passed before his father broached the silence. "So, Captain Commander, to what do I owe the honor of this visit?" A few more moments passed in silence as Tenjinsai stared intently into the grain of the wood before him. His hands clenched once more as blood slowly trickled to the floor. Tenkai stood from his desk behind him, an eyebrow raised as he observed the unusual spectacle unfolding before him. He spoke once more, this time with the smallest tinge of concern in his voice. "Well, what is it Tenjinsai, are you injured? If you are you should be at the infirmary, not visiting me." The young Captain raised his right arm, fist still balled, and slammed it gently on the door frame. The frame rattled lightly under the gentle strike, small droplets of blood now speckled along the area of contact.

Tenjinsai rested his head lightly against his fist, his eyes closed as he spoke. "They're dead.....they're dead because of me." The words echoed around him, and now finally speaking them, he found himself fighting back a wave of heat and saline as he struggled to maintain his composure. "I sent them to their deaths...." The elder Bushinji stood on the opposite end of the room, bewildered at this encounter that had wandered into his office. He moved slowly around his desk and approached Tenjinsai, his arms unfolded but kept close to himself. "Who Tenjinsai, who is dead, what happened?" The pair stood in silence for some time, both uneasy at what was happening in the room. Finally though a few words were uttered, shattering the silence into a million pieces and creating a new reality for the elder Bushinji. "Saki Taro....Saburou Etsuko......Tsunkai Bushinji....."

These names were etched deep into Tenjinsai's psyche now and forever. As long as he lived, he knew he would never forget them. They would haunt his mind, day and night, finding their way into his every thought. As he spoke them allowed his fist dropped, his body following shortly after as he slid down onto his knees; Forehead pressed against the door. Behind him he heard a chair squeak, being used to catch a man who had staggered for a moment at what he had just been told. Tenkai had felt as though the wind had been knocked out of him, grabbing hold of the top of a chair and slowly sitting himself down atop it. He was a stoic man, one with little to say and none of it seeded with feeling. He operated under a strict code of conduct; His duties and responsibilities to the Seireitei above it all. Now though he was confronted with something he had not felt for over one hundred years; Loss.

His mind echoed loudly with the name of his son, coherent thoughts drifting away every time he put a sentence together. His head slumped down, staring down at the floor between his legs. His head shook lightly as he felt heat welling up within him. "No....Not again.....This can't be happening again..." Where Tenjinsai had been struck by anguish and despair, the father had a different reaction, anger. Tenkai felt a deep heat burning within him and welling through his body. The wick of his anger had been lit and the unbridled rage of this normally composed man was ready to be released. Moments passed in silence, neither saying a word until the silence was broken by a roar. The elder Bushinji stood quickly, grabbed hold of the chair he was sitting on, and with one swift movement lifted it up and slammed it into the floor.

"I'm going......" Tenkai shuffled disorderly toward the door, his mind a fog of fury. Tenjinsai still lay knelt in front of the door, a bell ringing clearly through his mind when he heard his fathers words. He stood quickly, turning around to face the elder shinigami, his arms spread blocking the door. "Father no, you can't go alone! They slaughtered three veteran officers and put the other two in critical condition! What do you think you can do alone!!" The elder Bushinji fumed, staring daggers into his sons eyes as he loomed closer, now standing only inches from the younger. His eyes were wide, pupils dilated, and nostrils flared. In the blink of an eye Tenkai's arm cocked back and punched the wall beside Tenjinsai's head. The Captain's arm drove clear through and emerged on the other side of the wall, certainly startling any shinigami that may have been in the area.

"I will do what I must!!! I will not sit idly by while my family, MY CHILDREN, are murdered!! Stand aside or force me back, but I will not be dissuaded." Tenjinsai, for all the power that he possessed, felt anxiety and fear before this man that he called his father. He knew that if it came to blows he would be more than capable of pacifying the elder Captain. However, as long as he had known this man, never before had he seen such emotion, such fury, from one who was always a pillar of stoicism. He swallowed hard, even stumbled backward the small distance between himself and door and bumping against it loudly; His eyes darted about the room trying to think, to find some solution to the conflict that now loomed inches from him. "A compromise...." Two words were meekly muttered by the junior shinigami; Tenkai's eyebrow perking up at the words as he continued to glare down at his son. "Explain, now."

Tenjinsai straightened up, his back still pressed against the door as his eyes met his fathers. The fury was still burning deeply in those brown orbs, but it had been abated slightly. "I feel the same things that you do father. Tsunkai was your son, and he was my brother. His loss, and the loss of the others, weighs heavily upon my soul. I know that I will never forget this day for the rest of my life, however long it may be." He paused slightly, trying to find his words as he fought back another wave of emotion that was threatening his own mind. "But we cannot charge in brashly to avenge their deaths. We need to think, to plan, and find a way to eliminate this threat properly." His eyes slid down slowly from his fathers, panning to the floor as his head hung slightly in anguish.

"For most of my life I never had any family, getting by only with the support of Mikoto. I suppose in a way he is my family as well; Without him I would not have survived the rukongai. But, that day that I met Tsunkai after so many decades, it has changed my life. I have my family back, I don't want to lose it again... So please, father, give me time to find a way to make this right..." His eyes still lay on the floor, not daring to meet his fathers gaze lest it be marred with an unquenchable rage. He suspected the worst, telling an angry and grieving father to put aside his feeling and forget seeking vengeance for his sons death. That was when he saw Tenkai's arm move upward, though slowly and not with force as before. Still, Tenjinsai flinched at the movement and squeezed shut his eyes, expecting to be struck any moment.

While the young Captain did indeed have a hand placed upon him, it was not in the way he expected. His father's hand moved upward and had rested itself gently upon his head, shifting slightly to pat the young shinigami. A loud sigh came from the elder shinigami's mouth as he stood, mentally drained and defeated before the plea of his son. "You....are right Tenjinsai. With rage clouding my mind I did not stop to think how this has effected you, or your sister. If I was to rush off and end up dying as well, I would leave the two of you shattered and alone." The elder Captain's hand slid from Tenjinsai's head and rested on his shoulder, his other hand doing the same on the opposite. "I suppose I haven't been much of a father to any of you though. How any of you can still look at me with respect or affection is astounding; A page I took out of my fathers book to be certain." There was a pause in the elder shinigami's words as the hands on Tenjinsai's shoulders tightened.

"Look at me Tenjinsai." The young Captain's eyes gleaned upwards meeting those of his fathers as he stared at him with uncertainty. "Despite the animosity and neglect I have shown you as a father, you are still and will always be my son. I do not say it enough given that emotion is a vulnerability shinigami cannot afford to have; But know that I have, do, and will always love you." Tenjinsai was stunned as he stared at his father, completely lost for words or thoughts. In the entire time he had lived never before had his father expressed such sentiment toward him, or either of his siblings for that matter. The veteran shinigami who was always a pillar of duty, honor, and stoicism had let down his walls. The young Captain stood and stared into the depths of what lay under the surface of his father; All that he had locked away to protect himself from the life that he now lived.

Tenjinsai's body staggered forward, moving on its own as his arms stretched outward and wrapped themselves around his father. The young shinigami buried his face into his father's shihakushou as his body began to quietly sob, purging all of the lament that had seized his soul. The room sat in silence as Tenkai placed a single hand on Tenjinsai's head, patting it lightly as he purged his sadness. Seconds passed, ticking away slowly as the room seemed to be almost suspended in a stasis. The elder simply stood, looking down at his progeny, finally breaking the silence after minutes had passed. "Sometimes I forget that despite your strength, your rank, and your responsibilities, you are still just a boy. A boy who struggled to survive day after day with only the comfort of a friend to stop you from giving in to despair and loneliness." Tenkai paused a moment, his head turning upwards as his gaze traced along the ceiling.

"I used to consider how my father raised myself and Hayashi as cruel. What I've done to you is far worse. I can only imagine how you have suffered over the years, the weight you have bore on your shoulders. Even now that weight continues to grow heavier and heavier, threatening to break you in half." The elder Captain's head sunk back down, glancing back over his son as his arms moved in a way almost alien; Reaching outward and wrapping around Tenjinsai's shuddering body with an embrace. "I do not know if you can ever truly forgive what I have done in the past. But, I will try to be the father you never had. The one you, Tsunkai, and Amaya deserved." Tenkai's chin rested on his sons head as he held him and let the young shinigami release all that he held inside. As he stood, staring at the wall, a single tear fell from his eye as thoughts of his children clouded his mind.

The walls were down and his vulnerability was now showing but he continued to choke down his emotions as the single drop of saline streamed across his cheek. The pair sat in silence, only the occasional sob of Tenjinsai and a single sentence pierced the muted air of the office. "Tsunkai.....I'm sorry...." Time slipped away from the pair as they finally separated after what seemed an eternity. The two Bushinji's sat down, resting in the silence as they attempted to regain their composure. The only thing heard from within the room was the rustling of straightening clothes and several snorts of a blowing nose. Minutes passed as the pair made themselves presentable, still sitting and staring off into space amidst the quiet. Several minutes passed before Tenjinsai cleared his throat, standing shakily and taking a moment to recapture his composure.

"I suppose I should be going now. There is much to do, and even more to think about..." Tenjinsai's eyes darted around the room rapidly before spinning about awkwardly and moving toward the door. He was unsure of how to even say goodbye to his father after all that had transpired. His mind was in a disarray with all that had occurred. He needed time to reorganize his thoughts and feelings; It was all too much far too quickly. As he reached out and grabbed hold of the door handle he paused, his fathers voice piercing into him and freezing him in place. "In the future, it would be pleasant if you could stop by the manor from time to time. I know your sister misses you, and the rest of the family would enjoy your company. I, would enjoy your presence as well." Tenjinsai swallowed hard as he gripped the door handle tightly. The handle turned quickly in his hand as he opened the door and took a single step into the hall before stopping.

"That....would be nice." Tenjinsai turned briefly to face his father as he responded, a smile marked on his puffy, red face. Just as quickly as he had turned to respond, the young shinigami turned back around and moved quickly to exit the building. His office was where he needed to be, a moment to be alone and process everything that had just happened. His mind was a swirling vortex of emotions that he could barely control enough to keep functioning. He just wanted to be alone, to lay down, and to rest; Though he had managed to reconcile with his father in a way he never thought possible; He just wanted to forget this day ever happened. He knew though that he never would, it would linger in his mind until the day he died.

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